Archive for the humor Category

Super Bowl Sunday: Who Will God Choose?

Posted in Football, humor, Music on February 1, 2009 by trapperKeeper

warner-milk

As all rational people know, God has a great interest in human’s sporting endeavors.  Earlier this year when Kurt Warner’s Cardinals were pitted against Jon Kitna’s Lions (yes that early into the season), God made Kurt his chosen one.  His grace stayed with the Cardinals, allowing them to sneak into the playoffs despite their mediocrity.  Their run of success in the playoffs notwithstanding, the Cardinals are not a good football team.  They are unable to win in the rain, snow and cold.  They were in the worst division in football and only managed 8 wins.  Yet, the parity of the NFL and the right run of luck have allowed them to make it into the bowl of all bowls, the Super Bowl!

Yes, already the greatest day of televised mankind, it is only getting better.  NBC has like nine hours of pregame coverage.  Every second of coverage it vital to peddling NBC shows and any other commercials they can manage to squeeze in.  The NFL on NBC has eleven hosts and commentators.  That is a lot of people to pay salaries and benefits to.  If humankind and the NFL survive for many more years perhaps future generations will see a pregame show with more commentators than actual players in the game.  A man can dream can’t he.  Plenty of segments could be thought up to make sure everyone gets to open their mouth at least once.  I would leave to see sideline reporters in a few bathrooms for a feature called “Drunk Talk.”

I hope for a good game with Fitzgerald ripping it up, but with the Steelers ultimately winning.  A Kurt Warner revival is not something I want to witness.  Soon, the commentators will only be able to drool over draft prospects and blather about mock drafts.  Here are two Super Bowl themed songs for the occasion.  Ozomatli’s “Super Bowl Sundae” featuring Charlie 2na and Peanut Butter Wolf’s remix of it.

http://www.divshare.com/download/6457348-2f8

http://www.divshare.com/download/6457349-4ee

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Chocolate City (Who Says Chocolate Can’t Be White)

Posted in humor, P-Funk, video on January 22, 2009 by trapperKeeper

chocolatecitysingle

This video mash-up of Obama dancing to “Chocolate City” is pertinent, well-done, and hilarious.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntT57iQJmbk

jaswilliams_layup

Watch Out Its’ the Return of the Feces Flinger (Hold GWB & Pop Some Champagne)

Posted in humor, politics, video on January 21, 2009 by trapperKeeper

obama-lincoln-cp-w6109957

Here are a few thoughts that have popped into my head over these past few days.

During the Inauguration ceremony, people booed George W Bush and joyously sang “nah nah nah nah hey hey hey goodby.e” On the MSNBC newscast, the Beltway commentators found the booing classless. On Huffingtonpost, some agreed with these commentators. This reverential attitude astounds me. George Bush is a war criminal and should be arrested and thrown in prison. Besides, Bush kept himself so insulated during his presidency. Finally, there was an opportunity for the people to let him know how they felt about him. Personally, I want to see him pilloried. Then, people, for a a fee, can throw rotten fruit and pies at him. The money raised can be used to pay off some of the debt accumulated over the past eight years.

pillory-stocks

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Ball of Confusion (Obama’s Blackberry Addiction)

Posted in humor, Music, politics on January 12, 2009 by trapperKeeper

Obama 2008

I have an idea for Obama about how to reduce our debt.  Just as sports teams sell the naming rights to their stadiums, official pizza place, beer, carpet cleaners, etc, Obama can be the first president to explicitly accept sponsorships.  For example, Obama cannot be separated from his blackberry (during intimate moments with Michelle, he sets it to vibrate and utilizes a special utility garter to keep on his person).  Surely, he could get $25 million or so for a four year sponsorship.  And that is only the beginning.  He could have an official brand of pants, sunglasses, pop, beer, toilet paper.  Anything and everything.  He doesn’t need the money, and wouldn’t be able to accept it, but could use it to push his agenda.

As much of a money maker that would be, there is way more money to be made in sponsoring buildings and events.  Companies, individuals, or even other countries (Saudia Arabian oil sheiks lay out plenty of money for the presidential libraries) could sponsor wings in the White House, or the whole White House if they had the scrilla.  The Lincoln Memorial brought to you by Budweiser.  Lowe’s presents the State of the Union at the Apple White House.  The individuals who work in the government get all kinds of legal and illegal perks, any money flowing to them goes right into their pockets.  Official sponsorships would deposit the money into public accounts.  Granted, this money is controlled by these corrupt politicians and bureaucrats, but they cannot embezzle all of it.  Some of it would trickle down to the economically parched.

white-house-south-face-1948One last note, it seems like we are standing on the verge of WWIII.  Two nuclear powers, India and Pakistan, are at each others’ throats.  Afghanistan is a mess.  Obviously, the Gaza situation is horrible.  Iran is waiting for the right moment to present itself.  The great bear, Russia, is run by a ruthless man, Putin.  And America is collapsing economically while already overextended militarily.  The American Empire is failing and falling for many of the same reasons the Romans fell.  I studied history, politics, and the classics closely for many of my schooling years and have seen this situation on the horizon.  Once the neo-cons got into power it was easy to predict their behavior based on their ideals and vision of the world.

The next two years will be real interesting.  I could see the Republican Party fracturing.  The tension between the fiscal and social conservatives has been around for several years.  The Grand Old Party is becoming just that the party of old, racist whites and the narrow-minded evangelical Christians.  I realize there is a left wing to the evangelical branch, which isn’t just concerned with abortion, gay marriage, stem cells, sex education, and killing Muslims.

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The Real NFL Playoffs, Let the Toilet Bowl Begin!

Posted in Football, humor on January 1, 2009 by trapperKeeper

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In celebration of the NFL Playoffs (thank god I have something to live for), a major staple of the present day bread and circus I realized I wanted more.  College football is saddled with bowl games between mediocre teams.  Why not allow some light to shine on those Sadly, the the Arizona Cardinals made the real playoffs .  They are a garbage team incapable of winning in anything but ideal weather conditions.  If they weren’t in such a dump of a division they wouldn’t have made the playoffs, or won more than 6 games.  They beat Seattle twice, St. Louis twice and San Fran twice.  All three of those teams made the Toilet Bowl.  Arizona was the only team in the division to score more points than it gave up, and only achieving that number by the slimmest of margins (1).

On to the Toilet Bowl Playoffs brought to you by Lysol.

lg_power_toilet

Representing the NFC, you have the Lions, Rams, Seahawks, and the 49ers.

In the AFC, the Chiefs, Raiders, Bengals, and Browns represent the best of the worst.

The Lions would battle the Rams, who I believe are actually worse than the Lions.  Oh that would be a glorious football game.  The Seahawks and 49ers get to battle one more time.  The 49ers narrowly beat the Hawks the first time they met, and were destroyed by them in the subsequent battle.  A winner must be decided.  The loser of those games would go on face each other.  The format would be the same in the AFC.  The loser of the losers game from each conference would then square off to determine the biggest loser who would then face the Super Bowl champ.

Aren't You Intimidated

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Who Stole My Clothes? (J. Edgar Hoover’s Been in Mom’s Closet)

Posted in Art, humor, life on December 12, 2008 by trapperKeeper

I had 1000 words written up that I was about to post and somehow the data vanished.  I am very annoyed right now.  Initially, it was going to be a straightforward poetry post, but some other words bubbled out as well.  I had some good material written.  There is no way all of it will be repeated, but I will recreate some of the old post.  The Lions material will have to resurface another day.

All the poems were written 3-4 weeks ago while riding the bus.  Writing poetry on the bus is much better than reading the poetry on the bus.  During this time I was dealing with a moving situation that dramatically shifted.  All in all, life was very unstable.

I know only a little about Freud, but from what I gathered the man was an overrated coward.  Dick Cheney just blows and is a man you don’t want to blow.

Drifting
Anchored by gravity
Trapped by duty
If you can float you can fly
If you believe you can float that doesn’t mean you can actually float
nor fly
like Superman in an F-14
or the flying ram of the golden fleece
carrying endangered children to safety

Your mind is your worst enemy
keep a close watch on it
fattened with flattery
arteries clogged by ego
Freud attack!

Afraid of his subconscious
A coward to be avoided
Not a psycokeanalyst to be pedestooled
by foolhardy types wanting excuses for behavior
that would make the living corpse of Dick Cheney blush

big-dick-cheney-thumb1

He is smiling because he is aware of the monster lurking under that cloth.

This poem is one of few truly hopeful poems I have written.  I am proud of that fact.

I don’t see in binary
i don’t see in color
i see in dreams
the possibilities present
the multitudes to be manifested
escaping from material madness
for am i tattered and torn
like the edges of a journal
constantly searching for solid ground
like Bartolomeau Dias lost at sea
surrounded by water
unfit for human consumption
needing a place to catch my breath
from the swirling currents of change
to gaze at the stars
tiny sparkles in the consciousness
looking outward at the universe
to look inward at myself
a sojourn to gather the strength
needed for the coming transformation

Here is a ramble about the setting of the sun.

Eerie orange shines
out the mouth of the beast
icy breath inducing shivers
as luna’s crescent observes
but says nothing
not wanting to disturb creatures below
for the freaks come out at night
providing entertainment for the man on the moon

jedgarhoover1

There is a business mart on MLK, one of J. Edgar Hoover’s many enemies, Ave that uses iridescence to attract eyeballs.  Employing a glowing, artificial palm tree, this plaza made me reminiscence about the luminous artificiality of Video Hits Plus parking lot in Kalamazoo.

Plugged in palm trees shimmer
striving artificially to attain the glory
of roots that will not electrocute
Futilely utilitarian nite lights
capturing no CO2
releasing no oxygen
electric humming(birds)
will not find nectar
nor noses scents
to mask the petrol of passing plastic
exuding flash but forgetting
true shine lies on the inside

Watch Out, Ghettoblasters! (Discovery Park, Pt. 3)

Posted in Art, humor, life, Music, Photos on December 9, 2008 by trapperKeeper

tree-whole

These are the results of some tweaking of photos from the Discovery Park day.  The music for today’s post is Tyrone Brunson’s Sticky Situation.  While the previous two posts were disco funk, Brunson’s 1983 release is a wonderful example of electro funk.

The clouds over the Olympic Mountains looked like arrow signs.  Strange doings.

arrows

Sticky Situation is one of the finest electro funk albums I have heard.  Little information was found on the man or the album, but here is what exists.  Tyrone Brunson was Washington, D.C. based bassist and vocalist, who sang in a number of local bands.  Signed after some CBS executives heard a few demos, including the instrumental the “The Smurf,” which reached #14 on the R&B charts.  “Sticky Situation” topped at #24.  He made a slight comeback in 1984 with “Fresh,” but otherwise success remained illusive.

“The Smurf” was based on a popular New York dance craze.  Working in symbiosis with the dance, “The Smurf,” the song’s fate was tied to that of the passing dance fad.  This dependency resulted in the inevitable decline in popularity for the song, as people moved onto other dances.

The musicians, whoever they were, on Sticky Situation did an outstanding job.  This record holds up as both a funk album and a electro album.  The man manning the synthesizers lays down a gamut of grooves.  Well-written songs take the album into the upper echelon.

Though heavy on synthetic sounds, Sticky Situation is 100% organic funk.  I was initially attracted by the cover art.  I stayed for the music.  As I stated in the intro, the beats on Sticky Situation are deadly sick.  Enjoy the synthetic soma.

Sticky Situation

The addictive nature of good synthesizer work is demonstrated on “Sticky Situation.”

Super funky rhythm guitar propels the first part “I Need Love.”  Great synth noise after Tyrone’s “Don’tcha want to give it up” near the 2:30 mark.  Synthesizer plays a more prominent role on the back half of the song.

“Go For It” gets a bit heavy.  The squealing guitars of the two minute mark is a novel sound for Tyrone & the unknowns.  Nice change of pace with the slowdown of the beat after the three minute mark.

Channeling the McDonald’s mantra of “you deserve a break today/have it your way,” “Don’t You Want It” is another winner.  Slaptastic bass holds the bottom.  The number of synthesizer parts is stripped down a bit on this cut.

Regardless of its’ fall from grace, “The Smurf” remains a stunning piece of electro funk and breaking music.  Synthesizer dominates, filling the air with a smorgasbord of  sonic sensations.  I was unable to find any old close footage of people dancing “The Smurf,” but here is some from modern times showing how it is done.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzvaYtaajZw&feature=related

“Hot Line,” the penultimate track is perhaps the most addicting.  The opening of “Hot Line” sucks me in I think more than any other song on this album.  That synth penetrates directly to the pleasure center.  The chorus is also very addicting.

“New Disco Wave” closes the record.  A solid cut no doubt, which is also a statement about the sound he peddled.  Per usual, the music is executed well.

Clocking in at just under 36 minutes, Tyrone Brunson’s LP debut is an worthy auditory sensation to treat your brain to.  A phenomenal specimen of  electro funk, one has to wonder why Brunson never again reached such aural excellence.

discovery-sunset

glistening

spherized-sunset

mountain-boat

Mount Rainier was out in full effect.  Sometimes the big mountain feels forgotten and feels the need to say “Hey, you know I am a volcano.  Pay respect or I’ll show you second hand smoke.

Makes me think of the hilarious SNL Jack Handy Deep Thought: They say the mountain holds many secrets, but the biggest is this: “I am a fake mountain.

mount-rainier

discovery-sunset1

Here is one where I used different exposure curves on different parts of the photo.  Straight forward editing gets a little boring at times and the urge to experiment is irresistible.

elliot-tree