Archive for the humor Category

King Kwame’s Texts (Who Wants Wendy’s? I’m Buying)

Posted in Detroit, humor, politics on March 25, 2009 by trapperKeeper

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After reading and taking notes on the first 170 pages of Kwame’s texts, I realized I have no current interest in spending time on Kwame’s texts.  Here are notes on the first 170 pages, which ranged from boring to dumbfounding to hilarious.  Kwame loves to write in capital letters.  At times I left his capital sentences.  Other times,  I typed them normally. Here are a few other things Kwame is fond of, in no particular order: women, sex, vacation, Wendy’s, using cheesy pop culture references to express of love.  Here are things he doesn’t like: rules, needling press, other men with his women, people with knowledge of his shenanigans, and possibly white people (at least the ones not part of his corrupt empire).  Before going onto the texts let me say one thing.  Detroit please don’t re-elect him mayor in the future.  You would think the stench off Kwame would be strong enough to end his political career, but he still has supporters, extreme confidence, and a sense of destiny/entitlement.

A text from Carlita, Kwame’s wife, on June 12, 2002 is of importance to government corruption watchdogs.  Kwame was notoriously corrupt and abused his power in many ways, including securing a vehicle for his wife using Detroit city funds.

6/12/02 Carlita Kilpatrick (Kwame’s wife): Any word on my Navigator?

The same day KK got this text from an unknown person, who appears to work for Ford based on their awilli67@ford.com and I assume is female.  Unless Kwame had a side thing for men.  Her text (Ebony KK): “I left you a voice message. So nice to know you’re thinking about me,” elicited this response from Kwame: “Can’t get you out of my system! Don’t want to either. Have a wonderful day.”

Many of Kwame and Beatty texts are about their relationship, including the sexual side.  There are blacked out sections of the texts, at least the ones I have read so far.  Some of the blacked-out parts are people’s contact information.  Other sections may have been blacked out due to sexual explicitness.  Although, other sexual oriented texts are left untouched.  A brief warning, from this point on there will be explicit, sexual and otherwise, language.  And now back to the story.  For example.  This one from June 2002:

beatty

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Have…a good time…all the time (Spontaneous Combustion Mix)

Posted in Adventures, Art, humor, Music, Photos on March 22, 2009 by trapperKeeper

cartcat

I haven’t been taking that many photos recently due to working on music, life, and just an all around lack of inspiration to take photos.  I certainly haven’t touched Photoshop and worked on the backlog of photos I need to either edit or delete.  But last night, I worked on a few photos for Carley.  I edited the top photo above for her mom.  The one below is a Warhol Stella.  I have included a few other random photos from the past month.  Mostly, I have just been shooting clouds when I happen to notice a sky that looks interesting.  All of these photos are the wrapping and bows on the present of the Spinal Tap OST (1984).  This Is Spinal Tap is a classic, hilarious mockumentary.  “But hey, enough of my yakkin’; whaddaya say? Let’s boogie”

stella-warhol

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http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?jgwncczeyz1

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Happy Parliafunkadelicment Thangday! Pinocchio’s Placebo Syndrome

Posted in Funk, humor, Music, P-Funk on March 16, 2009 by trapperKeeper

flyshoes

Another Happy Parliafunkadelicment Thangday to interweb viewers and any other-dimensional beings out there.  I am working on a second cut of “Night of the Living Dub,” so today’s post will be short but sweet.  Today, I offer up some rare Parliament Funkadelic outtakes from 1973.  Gwyneth knows that if you fake the funk your nose, or at least your bow, will grow.

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/03/16/gwyneths-advice-for-joaqu_n_175303.html

Hearing the creation and evolution of songs is fascinating even if it isn’t always pretty.  Thus, I am always intrigued by studio outtakes.  Multiple songs from these sessions ended up appearing on albums.  “Up For the Downstroke,” “I Can Move If You Let Me” and “Presence of a Brain” appeared on Parliament’s Get Up On the Downstroke (1974) and “Big Footin'” on Chocolate City (1975).  “Standing On The Verge” appeared on Funkadelic’s Standing On the Verge of Getting It On (1974) and “Tales of Kidd Funkadelic” on Funkadelic’s Tales of Kidd Funkadelic (1976).  Bootsy was new to the P, so it is nice to hear him and Eddie jam together.

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Sexting (The Progress of Technology)

Posted in Detroit, humor, politics on March 14, 2009 by trapperKeeper

dr_phil

Sexting, or sex texting for those not down with the latest lingo, has swept across the country.  I even saw a Dr. Phil episode about it, which means it has went totally mainstream, which means there should be members of Congress busted over sexting soon enough.  Dr. Phil’s episode focused on teens and their sexting habits.  My friend made a insightful remark about how sexting is just the latest way for adults to be titillated by teenage sexuality.  They guard their talk in seriousness, and to be fair there is some degree of concern.  Still, much of the hoopla around is probably due to the erotic factor.

Obviously, sexting is a result of the technology breakthrough.  Before cell phones, sexting was impossible.  People had to rely on phone sex.  Before phone sex, there were erotic letters and perhaps erotic telegrams and morse code messages.  Bluetooth is just a revolutionary phase of phone sex, totally hands free without having to use the speaker phone function.  Who knows what the future of communicated sex? Perhaps, sex packets will free humanity.

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Bringing Home the Frank’n’Bacon

Posted in Art, humor, Music on March 4, 2009 by trapperKeeper

frankenbacon

Welcome to another got to get over the humpday.  I have been pretty busy learning ableton to go along with the usual photography and writing.  Plus, I just started working as a tutor, been getting back into frisbee, and went salsa dancing and climbing for the first times.  So tomorrow I look forward to a laid back day of getting out to the market for some farm fresh meat.  Climbing was surprisingly tiring, especially to the hands and forearms.  Hopefully, I won’t be moving like Frankenstein in the morning.

Anyways, I offer the monumentally important reggae album, The Harder They Come (1973), which was a soundtrack.  Before this album, reggae was not a popular genre on the North American landmass.  Afterward, the genre’s’ popularity grew due to the exposure the film brought to Jamaica.  Soon enough, Bob Marley would blow up spreading island vibes far and wide.

Jimmy Cliff was the star of the film and soundtrack, contributing three songs, so logically the record was officially released under Jimmy Cliff’s name.  The album is much deeper than the title track, unlike many soundtracks, featuring many gems from Scotty’s “Draw Your Breaks” to the Melodians “Rivers of Babylon.”  In fact, Jimmy’s songs are actually some of the weakest due to the over polished nature of his contributions.  One of my favorite reggae groups, the Maytals, have two songs, “Pressure Drop” and “Sweet and Dandy”, featured.  The opening riff of “Sweet and Dandy” by the Maytals has been used by someone.

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http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?ijfym3wzuqj

All in all, a superb collection of early, and easy listening, reggae.  Enjoy some of the first reggae heard by most North Americans.

Happy Parliafunkadelicment Thangday! Now with Real Artificial Flavor!

Posted in Adventures, Funk, humor, Music, P-Funk on March 2, 2009 by trapperKeeper

Happy Parliafunkadelicment Thangday!  It is a truly happy one indeed, for the weather is beautiful and I finally started working a little.  Plus, I have the company of Stella, who happens to love Mark Bittman cooking.

stella bittman

Anyways, here is today’s funky offering, Tales of Kidd Funkadelic (1976).  Eddie Hazel did not play much on this record. As a result, there is a lack of guitar for a Funkadelic release.  A  series of outtakes from the same recording sessions Hardcore Jollies (1976), they were given to Westbound by George to fulfill the contract.  The songs were then thrown together and  released by Westbound.  As a result, Tales of Kidd Funkadelic doesn’t work conceptually like many other Funkadelic releases.  Still, it is still a really solid, and overlooked album with plenty of funky produce.   Pedro Bell again contributed warped artwork.

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http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?zfy4gkawn0m

Opening with pounding drums “Butt-to-Buttresuscitation” maintains a frantic pace and shredding groove. “Butt-to-Buttresuscitation” has shredding guitars, deep funky organ, squeling synth, and a hi-hat that holds the center.  Bernie gets to dance over everything on the first half, but the guitars increasingly dominate as the song goes on.  “Butt-to-Buttresuscitation” is one of the songs Eddie did appear on, and it is obvious.  They are still picking up the pace as the song finishes.

Eddie is present again on the short and funky “Let’s Take It to the People,” which has some lovely bass drops and lyrics.  I would like to hear a longer version of this.  It works on the same theme of “Let’s Take It to the Stage”

Poppin’ bass, a cornucopia of keys, and handheld percussive instruments generate an extremely slinky groove on “Undisco Kidd.”  George tells a story of the Undisco Kidd and  while playing with with puns.  The drums play it simple and steady.  Bernie has some outstanding moments.  Rhythm guitar becomes more prominent as the groove builds.  “Undisco Kidd” has outstanding production on it and is exceptionally layered.  I recommend listening to it on headphones.  You really should listen to all P-Funk records at least once with headphones.  Otherwise you miss out on a lot.

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Breaking News: Sarah Palin Announces Presidential Run (Where’s the Comatril?)

Posted in humor, politics on February 23, 2009 by trapperKeeper

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Sarah Palin announces 2012 presidential campaign and 2016 re-election campaign. How does Sarah have the foresight to know she will be running for re-election if 2016?  God told her.  Did God also tell her how to fix the economy, solve the energy problems and defeat terrorism?  You betcha!  But she won’t reveal them until after taking the presidency.

For those who can’t bear to stand the thought of another 4 years of a Democrat in the White House, you can hope for impeachment, tragedy, or you can take Comatril.  Comatril is the first drug on the market that lets you go Rip Van Winkle.  Tired of the present, but excited about the future.  Take Comatril.  Comatril comes in a variety of doses, from a daily to a yearly all the way up to a millennial.  Got a big test coming up?  Your kid a real pain in the butt?  Any reason will do.  Ask  your doctor about Comatril today.

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Side effects may include: Loss of spouse/family/friends, loss of job, loss of memory, permanent muscular atrophy, headache, and diarrhea.