I’m Your Sex Puppet (Kels’ Steppin’ Remix)

If you think that John McCain & the Grand Old Party are finished, think again. Like Rocky, they have been battered, beaten, and left for dead. Did Rocky give in when a steroided-out commie was cracking him like the Liberty Bell? No, Rock doesn’t give up. Not to a Russian, Mr. T, dignity, or death. Much like the Rockster, McCane and the Elephants are using their time down on the mat to think out their final offensive. I think I know what they have in store.  Obama is a bit like Barry Sanders. He is hard to bring down.  But there is one act that will strike fear into the hearts of all white men and women and have them punching the Neo-Con ticket. Yes, the Harold Ford strategy will be tapped again but this time on a whole new level.

While McCain’s strategists have used Obama’s non-white skin against him, whether implicitly or explicitly, they still have yet to really play the black man/white woman card.  So coming soon, the Obama sex-tape.  Modeled after the R. Kelly sex-tape, the GOP will find an Obama look-alike and persuade this doppelganger by carrot or stick to engage in perverted sex acts on tape with a blond, blue-eyed, lily-white, American heartland barely legal sweetheart.  Irrational fears of Obama being a Muslim, a terrorist, a socialist, and a black man have only worked on the most ignorant of the American populace.  But alien-like acts of intercourse on tape would be enough.  Perhaps the R. Kelly lookalike could reprise his role and appear on the Obama tape.  Why continue scraping the bottom of the barrel when there is a gusher waiting to be unleashed?  Find some soft money, perfect eating for those with brittle or no teeth, to fund it and get this tape made.  History vindicates the victorious; hell is warm and there are no taxes.

In honor of the Kels idea I feel obligated to share a few favorite cuts from the Windy City crooner.

“Down Low (Nobody Has to Know)” finds the illustrious Kels paired with Ronald & Ernie Isley, two legends whose music strongly influenced Kels.  Singing about a secret passion, the Isley Brothers’ style meshes well with Kelly’s.


Listen up to the advice dropped by the mad doctor of love on “Bump’n’Grind (Old School Mix).”  Prescribing some old-fashioned boots knockin’, albeit in the age of thongs.  He will make you sing like a mockingbird being bronco bucked.    “Show me some I.D. before I get me deep into you.”  Oh Kels, talking the talk but not walking the walk.  I guess he likes to live dangerously.


Seeing R. Kelly in concert while working at Comerica Park was one of the most surreal experiences in my life.  Appearing not too long after all the underage piss sex tape came out, Kels was in fine form.  Mixing up sex exploits, sex fantasies, odes to love, inspirational numbers, and more sex fantasies to a crowd of enthralled people, including younger teenagers chaperoned by their parents, Kels was fascinating to watch.  Not all moments were grotesque.  When the opening lick of “Happy People” pushed out of the speakers, everyone on the floor got up and then got down to steppin’.  Kels has survived and been so successful because he combines a good voice with great production and can write really catchy songs.  While a bit long, “Happy People”, is, nevertheless, a hard song to resist due to the groove and happy mood.


Here is a remix of “Happy People” since Kels is the master of the remix.


The Drive-By Truckers cover James & Bobby Purify’s “I’m Your Puppet,” a classic soul song.  Capturing the emotion of the original, the DBT’s version is a success.


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