Joe the Plumber, Larry the Cable Guy, and Huckster Populism

My friends, I am calling on Chef the chef, Mr. Rogers the child entertainer, Jack the ripper, Count Chocula the cereal vampire, Leatherface the butcher, Phil the economist, Larry the bagger, and all other people with first names and jobs, with alarming news. Hopefully, historians will view this act as my Paul Revere moment. Well, my friends, I am going to ring the bell whether you want to hear it or not.

Mr. Obama will raise your taxes! He wants to spread the wealth around! My friends, that’s socialism. My friends, Senator Osama is SOCIALIST. I have proof that not only is he a pinko, liberal, godless, terrorist, Muslim communist, but he is a Manchurian candidate. In fact, my friends, Hussein is not even a legal citizen of the greatest nation on earth. A nation blessed with the white god’s blessing and benevolence; bestowed with his omnipresent wisdom. My friends, how do you think I have the solutions to everything? Illegal aliens have been stealing from America for long enough. Now one has the gall to run for president and talks of spreading the wealth around.

My friends, I will repeat it again. It is that important. E.T. wants to redistribute wealth, but is not interested in policies that grow our economy and create jobs and opportunities for all Americans. Senator Communist is more interested in controlling who gets your piece of the pie than he is in growing the pie. These are tough times. When times get tough I, like many Americans, turn to pie, to the solace provided when it hugs your insides with its’ American wholesomeness. Lest you think this is the worst of the situation, what time of year is rearing its seam-busting head? The holiday season, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Are pies not popular desserts at holiday parties? Already entering pumpkin pie season, this is no time to be redistributing the pie, but growing the pie.

On top of all these red flags, there is one even more egregious than all the others added up. He is known for taking multiple candies from public and private candy trays! As an older person, I am on a limited budget already and the government mandates that I have so many pieces of hard candy on my person and around my properties at all times. Known candy filchers cannot be trusted to redistribute pie. If you put McCain-Lieberman, oops, I mean McCain-Palin in the White House, I promise I will march to Washington and make sure that the government doesn’t lay its’ hands on your pie. Vote for pie you can believe in!

(Help the stock market has fallen & can’t get up)

DJ Assault’s “Sweet Potato Pie” has the word pie in the title and is about pie, at least on some level, so I have decided to drop another ghettotech morsel.


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